On Being Lonely

Recently, I have been on a “songs I haven’t listened to for while” kick, and I have listened to some really awesome songs that I sort of forgot about. Tonight, I had my iPod plugged in to my computer and was going through the music queuing up songs. I got up as the songs played to get ready for bed and then Lonelier Than This by Steve Earle came on and I just stopped. It had slipped my mind that I had queued up this song, but as soon as it started to play the emotions just hit me. I used to listen to this song a lot back a few years ago, and every once in a while, when I was feeling really lonely I would put it on repeat. It is interesting that I haven’t listened to it for quite a while, but that as soon as it came on I felt like I needed to hear it.

The first thing that you need to know about me is that I really like being alone. I don’t mean single, even though the song is actually about heartbreak that is not really what I am talking about. I like spending time by myself. This isn’t something recent, when I was a teen I used to love to be in my room listening to music and reading. Now, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy hanging out with people and doing things, but I have a breaking point where I just want to be alone. I’m really good at keeping myself busy, I can waste time like crazy, and sometimes I think that if someone else was around they would just get in my way. However, in the end, I believe that people aren’t meant to be alone all the time.

I have moments where I look around my apartment and I wish that there was someone there to talk too, or even just watch TV with. These are my Lonelier Than This moments. There are days when I don’t really talk to anyone, I might talk to the cashier at the grocery store, and most days it doesn’t bother me, but if you string enough of those days together you start to feel a bit lonely. All of my family is so far away and I can’t just hang with them, and my friends are kind of far too. There are nights when I wish that I had a friend who lived around the corner and we were always at each other’s places just chilling, but it’s so hard to meet people to create these kinds of friendships.

Now, I know what you are thinking…and NO! this really isn’t about me being single. I know that when girls say that they aren’t interesting in dating most people look at them suspiciously thinking to themselves Sure. As much as I’d like to hang out with someone, I really don’t want it to be romantically. I don’t want to have to worry about whether he likes me, or if he is going to kiss me. I have come to terms with single life and I am really OK with it. I honestly don’t want to have to plan my life around some guy, I want to do whatever I want and I don’t want some guy getting in the way. Life is not all about romantic love!

When I am having my Lonelier Than This moments I am missing my family and my friends. I want to spend time with the people that make me laugh and make me feel like I belong. I just want to sit and listen to them talk, or watch a movie with them. It’s probably more of a homesick feeling then anything.

Lonelier Than This is so perfectly melancholy. I love the emotion in Steve Earle’s voice, it makes me want to cry, the way that it is like a whisper. The guitar is probably my favourite because it sounds so sad; I don’t think that there is another song where the guitar sounds sad like this. It is a song where the emotion is so present that hits the heart every time that I listen to it.

Alright, now that I have thoroughly depressed you, I want you know that I do not want you to feel sorry for me. I am happy a lot. I might feel lonely sometimes, but I’m sure that is true of all people.