Where the Colours Don't Go

Recent events have made me think about myself a little bit. I had another job fall through and due to this fact have had a lot of comments revolving around how I deal with my circumstances. People continue to tell that I am dealing with everything really well, and that they couldn’t image being in my shoes. I am here to tell you that I, honestly, do not have some sort of secret.

In the interview for the job that didn’t work out I was asked how I deal with stress. I always think that this is such an odd question. No two people deal with stress in the same way. I take things one at time, because if you don’t then you become overwhelmed. You can’t let things get to you, and you need to understand that if you need help…ask for help. There is no real way to describe how I don’t get stressed out. I think that if you think that something is going to stress you out then you are going to get stressed out. But if you chill out and take things as they come and don’t let get to you, then you’ll be fine. This is not something that is easy to explain to someone in an interview. They really want you to have some sort of formula for stress, but I guarantee that person doesn’t have a formula either.

So, how do I deal with all these difficult situations? Much like how I deal with stress, I don’t let it get it to me. Sure I go through phases and not all of them are happy, but the phases never last that long. The first phase is an upset, crying phase. I’m sure that everyone is familiar with this one. I think that the difference between me and most people is that this phase never last that long. The sadness really only lasts a day, then I’m ready to move on and do something new…whatever that might be. I usually move on to a mad phase, where I am just pissed off about everything that happened. Then I move on an empowering phase, where I begin to believe that I am better off…and am really awesome. After that I usually, slowly, come back to reality and become more like my regular self with my regular outlook. Then I’m just me, and I’m OK.

I think that for a lot of people they get stuck in my first phase, and they don’t know how to get out of it. I admit that you really do need that time to feel sad, but if you don’t know how to bring yourself out of the sadness, then you’ve lost. This time the thing that did it for me was “Bad Reputation” by Joan Jett. I cranked that song liked it was nobody’s business, and I haven’t listened to any really sad music since. I think that the music that you listen too and the TV/movies that you watch really can help. If you listen/watch sad stuff then it is going to make/keep you sad, but if you listen/watch something that is happy then it will elevate your mood.

There is this song by Sam Phillips called “Where the Colours Don’t Go” that is about the place where depression and sadness lives. You have to choose to stay out of the place where the colours don’t go, because if you go there, well, it’s really hard to come back. There is no formula to keep you out of that place; it’s more of a decision. Take a look around and really ask yourself is this the state of mind that I want to be in, and if it’s not figure out how to fix it.

I don’t have all the answers, but I do have some really good insight. If there is ever anyone reading this that is in the place where the colours do go, please know that you can talk to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Koh-wPyQvA

Counting Airplanes

When I was in my second year of university I had a widow that faced west in my dorm room, I could see the airplanes flying by every few minutes. I remember days when, in between classes, I would lay on my bed with my head at the foot of my bed and watch the planes. I have always had a thing for airplanes, not flying on them, but watching them fly past. I guess it was because it was always something that meant excitement and new beginnings for me.

Where I grew up you never saw an airplane taking off in the distance, there would the occasional jet way over head, but it never was the same thing. I know that the first time I visited the city I was a kid, we went and saw a Blue Jays game, but I don’t really remember much about that trip other then the baseball game. When I was in high school I started to go to the city on class trips, and I remember that the first thing that always made me feel like I was in the city was the vision of planes taking off out of the big bus windows.

The first time that I fell in love with city was when I was 16. I got a ticket to see The Who for my birthday and I traveled down to the city with my Dad and my brother. I remember seeing the planes flying overhead as we first entered into the outskirts of the city. I remember looking at the tall the buildings as we made our way in the core of downtown and feeling awe. I knew where I really wanted to be.

“When you’re up between the new skyline, the city lights and the warm sunshine, it’s a long way down. When you can count on one hand what you love and you can count on who you love to help you on your long way down. And you end up counting airplanes, trying to keep up with the changes, and I don’t want to be just anybody. So, don’t try to figure me out, I won’t try to figure you out, I don’t want to be some average anybody”. - Counting Airplanes by Train.

Counting Airplanes came out when I was 16 and because of my fascination with planes I instantly loved the thought of watching airplanes while you are trying to figure out your life. After I turned 16 I experienced a lot of changes and this song just hit home for me. I loved the idea that no matter what changes you were going through in life there were always things you could count on, like airplanes flying past your window.

I moved into my apartment in September and two weeks later I lost my job. I took it really hard, but one day, as I was opening my blind, I noticed something in the distance. It was an airplane taking off. I’m still trying to figure everything out, but at least until I do I can count airplanes.

Incase you wanted to take a listen to Counting Airplanes...Here it is!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTBbreab9Q8&feature=related

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

There is a quote from Tolkien that goes: “Not all who wander are lost”. And I don’t feel that I am lost, I just don’t have a plan. I’m not lost, I just feel like I am wondering around trying to figure things out. The quote describes Aragorn, and if you really take the time to think about his story it really makes sense. I do identify with Aragorn; he wandered, but always knew that he was destined for greater things. I hope that this makes sense. If you haven’t read The Lord of the Rings it might not.

Lately I’ve been looking for inspiration to get me through the hard times. I know that there is the “it gets better” campaign out there, but over all I think that it is crap. It’s all well and good to tell people that it gets better, but when you’re living through some tough times that really does not help much. I think that tips for making it through would be more helpful.

Last week I started a job at a movie theatre. It’s not really where I want to be but I needed the job. Things in my life never really seem to go the way I actually want them too. Over all I’m ok with it, but for once I would like things to go my way. I would like to get the job of my dreams…the one that makes me excited to get up and go to work in the morning.

I wish that I had some tips for others just trying to get through, but I really don’t have any. I’m still trying to figure it all out. That’s why I don’t think that I am lost so much as I’m just trying to figure things out. It’s hard to know where you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to do. I honestly don’t think that I am wondering, I think I am figuring out the path that I suppose to be on. My path might just be taking longer to figure out then someone else’s path.

I was listening to Rachael Yamagata durint the writing of this post please check her out, here is the video for her song Elephants: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ea4E-XYLStw&feature=relmfu

The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Review

I just finished reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. I guess that I am still processing it, but I’m not sure how I feel about it. The book is about a boy named Charlie whose friend committed suicide just before his freshman year of high school. The story then takes place during that year, and deals with how Charlie copes with his life.

I love the way that this book is written. It is written from Charlie’s point of view in letter form. He writes all his thoughts down to an unknown friend. You never find out who this friend is or where Charlie met him/her, but it does make it seem like he really is writing to you personally which I find to be really cool. I really love this style of writing. I’ve other books before that where written as diaries/journals and I always thought that it gave the story a sort of reality and intimacy.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a very compelling story about what it is like to be a teenager. Stephen Chbosky paints a great picture of what it’s like to be a teen trying to deal with difficult situations, while still wanting to be “normal” and accepted. I was so interested in the story that there were nights when I stayed up late just to see what would happen next. Charlie learns a lot about himself during the year that the story takes place, and in the end I just feel sad for him. In the way of coming of age stories this one does not have that happy life affirming moment. It leaves you feeling sad, and yet at the same time you do know that Charlie will be alright.

Despite that The Perks of Being a Wallflower was slightly depressing I would definitely recommend it. It was such intriguing read, and I really didn’t know how it was going to end, and it ended with a twist. Now all I have I do is wait for the movie to come out!

Thoughts on Being Single

I was just thinking about my grandparents, I love them all so much, and how different my life is to theirs. By my age they were married and they had babies. I can’t even imagine being married, or even having a baby. I’m not ready for that stuff; sometimes I wonder if my Grandparents were, or if that was just expected of them. No, I know that my all of Grandparents were so in love with the person that they married. I can’t believe that I could question that.

It was such a different time when my Grandparents were meeting and falling in love. I can’t even imagine it, no internet, no cell phones, just…life. Sometimes I think that simpler would be better. Maybe then I might actually meet someone, have some sort of romance. But really when it comes down to it, I don’t really want a relationship right now. Back then they it was normal to want to get married and have a family, but I don’t really care if that happens. Yes, I would like someone to be there for me, but it’s not high on my priority list.

In my life I have seem women who have been single their whole lives and they live really great fulfilling lives. I use them as role models. I don’t need a man to happy; there are too many women who seem so need a man in their lives and I’m just not interested in relationship after relationship. I believe that if there is a man out there then he will find me. I’m going to use the internet, and I’m not going to hang out in bars or clubs hoping that a guy talks to me. I’m ok with being single.

As for being lonely, it is something that I deal with. I like my freedom, and I’d rather have freedom then a relationship. The one thing that people don’t tell you is that relationships change you. It’s not always in a bad way, but you do change. Right now I don’t want to change. I want to continue to figure out who I really am, and what I really want without someone getting in the way influencing my thoughts.

One thing at a time right?